License to Parent

We need a license to drive a car. If we want to rent or buy a house, we have to provide our credit history. And though there isn’t an official parenting class required to become a parent, I wouldn’t mind one. The following are some of the questions I’d ask:

  1. They say it takes a village, but is it ok to tell other people to butt out of my business when I feel they don’t know what they’re talking about?
  2. How do I get more patience?
  3. How do I get more sleep?
  4. Are pancakes okay for breakfast, lunch and dinner?
  5. How broke can I expect to go on family vacations?
  6. How do I get more patience?
  7. What do I do when I find a rash on their belly? And at what point do I take them to urgent care?
  8. Is it wrong to fantasize about sitting on a beach drinking a martini?
  9. What is the fairest way to decide which parent takes the kids to the potty at Target?
  10. How do I get more PATIENCE?

parentandchild

This is really only the tip of the iceberg. There are probably hundreds of other questions I’d like to ask, but the truth is even if I did manage to get a parenting license, I’d still have to get it renewed every six months. There’s no learning curve on parenting. Just when you get them potty trained and you have that pat-yourself-on-the-back moment, they are throwing tantrums that can be heard on the south side of China.

I’ve always loved this quote by Bill Cosby:

“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior. And I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”

Well, almost always.

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About Maia Rodriguez

"Military Mom" Maia Rodriguez was born in Cleveland, Ohio, but that was about twenty homes ago. After graduating from Syracuse University with a BFA in Musical Theater, she traveled just about everywhere in the country, lived in a green turtle-like tent for 6 months, toured and slept in the back of her van and even worked in Japan for a year. Then she met her husband who tamed her (ha!) and they embarked together on the adventure of parenthood in southern California where she worked as a professional pirate. Now, two children later, the family currently resides in VIrginia, where she sings for the US Navy as a vocalist. When she’s not mothering, she’s writing music for "Evernight," singing and writing for the Baby Bullet Blog.

Comments

  1. Rhonda Bailey says:

    They say it takes a village, but is it ok to tell other people to butt out of my business when I feel they don’t know what they’re talking about? Not only is it okay, it’s mandatory.

    How do I get more patience? What is this “patience” that you speak of?

    How do I get more sleep? Benedryl. I’m kidding. Mostly.

    Are pancakes okay for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Yep and on the same day too.

    How broke can I expect to go on family vacations? I hope you like boxed macaroni and cheese!

    How do I get more patience? I’m pretty sure you have to catch a leprechaun to get it.

    What do I do when I find a rash on their belly? And at what point do I take them to urgent care?
    Rash and fever. Hot almost always means they’re trying to fight off something, except you.

    Is it wrong to fantasize about sitting on a beach drinking a martini? I sure as hell hope not!

    What is the fairest way to decide which parent takes the kids to the potty at Target? Whomever didn’t go the last time or if you can’t remember due to lack of sleep…rock, paper, scissors.

    How do I get more PATIENCE? If no leprechaun is available, you may just have to count to 10. Over and over and over….