Bringing Sexy Back

I met an old friend for drinks a few weeks ago and a conversation we had has been on my mind ever since. Understandably, she was quite upset because her husband asked her why she never dressed provocatively or sexy anymore. I feel like the fact that she has three little kids at home is explanation enough. As a SAHM, she always looks cute, but comfortable. Yes, she was always known for wearing heels and showing off the girls prior to having kids, but she is by no means frumpy. It’s just that now she dresses like, well… me. It’s not that I don’t ever try to rock it or anything, but when I’m on summer vacation, I pretty much wear the mommy uniform: yoga capris and a t-shirt or tank top. Makeup is bare minimum and I don’t know if I brush my hair more than a couple of times a week – it’s just wash and go. The ensemble is much cuter than, say, elastic waist pants and Crocs with socks, but I am certainly not dressing to impress anyone but my kids. And they are more than impressed when I run around the park, swinging, sliding, and climbing with the best of them!

momandbaby feat

After this conversation about moms not looking sexy enough when we are hanging with the kids, I began making a mental note whenever I saw moms dressed to the nines when out with their kids. I regard these women with the same curiosity as Mona Lisa’s smile. I mean, what is their backstory? Their morning rituals simply cannot be anything like mine. My son cries when I take a shower because he “doesn’t like the way my hair feels when it’s wet,” and my daughter climbs up on the counter to put on “cakeup” (she does have a point) with me in the morning. Which is really cute, but always ends with me chasing her around the house as she gleefully tries to eat a lipstick. I simply have no idea how these moms have the time or the desire to embark on the task of all that hair straightening, mascara applying, and skintight dress and 4-inch heels donning  just to go buy dipes and wipes at Target. And don’t even get me started about the moms who wear strapless dresses and high heels to theme parks. Now, I love me some fabulous heels, but NOT while riding the friggin’ Tilt-a-Whirl, that’s for sure!

As women, can we just sort of band together on this one and agree that, in addition to remembering snacks, drinks, first aid kits, strollers, carriers, and diaper bags when we leave the house, we will not add must wear heels, show cleavage, and look hot, sexy, and sultry to the mix? And if our husbands/partners ever ask us why we don’t dress like we used to, can we just remind them that 1. They need to schedule a date night if they want sexy, 2. We don’t do ANYTHING like we used to, and 3. We are wildly and passionately devoted to our children, and that is sexy as hell.



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About Becky Jha

Born and raised in rural Connecticut , Becky DeMattia-Jha attended Salve Regina University in Newport, RI, and has her M.Ed. She has been teaching high school English for 15 years and currently resides in Massachusetts with her husband, their two children, and their German Shepherd. She spends her precious summer vacations indulging in passions other than literature: serving as a lactation peer coach, practicing herbal medicine, organic gardening, making natural cleansers and cosmetics, and preparing quick and easy organic recipes for her family. She hopes to share her efficient, chemical-free, eco-conscious, frugal, and simplistic homemaking and homesteading tips with you.


  1. How about as women can we just band together and support eachother? This article sounds so negative towards mom’s who do dress to the nines… I mean if you don’t have the time then you don’t have the time. But don’t make other moms feel like they should feel bad for looking really nice when they can. Every woman/mom should dress just as they want without having to feel criticized by other women. Even if that means not dressing to the nines and vice versa. I am also one of the moms dressing in heels and skirts and dresses and whatnot. I may not have the time someday down the road so if i have it now, I’m going to take advantage of that.

  2. It takes less effort to throw on a sundress than to put on yoga pants and a tank! I have a no gym clothes in public (other than at the gym) rule that I follow. I don’t wash/flat iron my hair as often as I used to but I’ve found other ways of styling my hair quickly– like a sock bun. I’ve scaled down how long it takes to do makeup. You can still look fabulous and have kids.

  3. I think a woman should dress in what makes them comfortable and feel good. Myself, I’m the Mom wearing the high heels, strappy sandals and sexy heels along with strapless dresses and cute summer tops that yes, I wore well before the baby came. After having a baby I definitely don’t take as much time as I used to. I think people need to stop having so many opinions on what other parents, Mom’s or people are doing, dressing like or sporting on their feet!! LOL… We all have our own set of challenges. I work full time so when I get the chance to bust out some great clothes that make me feel pretty I’m all over it. Great article to make you think.

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